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~ 5 years continued ~
Well, by 3pm, and half a dozen visitors later, I decided that the annoyance had contributed to the pain enough. When I asked the nurse if I could have something for the pain, she smiled and said "Sure! Whenever you are ready!"
Wow, I thought. At the Naval Hospital, it wasn't like that. You got what you got when they said you were supposed to get it. Here at the civvie hospital, I could just ASK? Wow...
By 315, they were giving me nubane (sp?) which is AWESOME....for like a half hour....then it is lame. By 5pm I told my other half that if his parents didn't vacate, along with everyone else, I would remove them all myself...
Compliance (even if brought about by threats) was wonderful.
By 6pm, and after 12 solid hours of labor, I was ready for an epidural. They were hesitant because I was only dilated 2 inches, but they relented and the anesthesiologist arrived to administer the mile long needle of bliss (lol).
I knew the risks, so I did my best to hold very still, and no sooner did that familiar feeling of ice in my spine begin to set in, my whole left side of my body began to shake uncontrollably. The other half stood in shock and all I kept thinking was I was going to end up paralyzed for life.
It could happen....
Well, at 830pm, no real progress down below so they started talking c-section. I really didn't want to go that route...but after the Doctor told me my baby was stuck in my pelvis, there wasn't any other option.
At 9pm, Jan, Jan and Jan (yes, 3 Jans assisted in surgery. I thought it was weird too...) were prepping me for surgery. After the anesthesiologist was through with her magic potion, I didn't feel a thing from the neck down. The big blue tent was going up to shield my view of my abdomen, and "My Guy" was playing on the radio, accordingly.
At 915, after the cutting, pulling and pushing that made me feel like my insides were being ripped out, Doc put the slimy discolored little thing later known as 'my son' over the tent and with a goofy little voice said "Hi Mommy" before swooping him back to clear him, clean him and hand him off to the pediatricians.
I felt so lost.
When I had my baby girl, they handed her right over. Now, I lay motionless on this table and watching my son scream at the Doctor who was checking him out...all through a glass window.
My body temperature was low. They moved me into another room and Jan (the one who was supposed to go home at 7pm) came with me and stayed there for the next 3 hours while they worked on getting me back to normal. No visitors. I was isolated and I knew my Mom was closeby. I could feel her.
I knew she was worried about me.
Just about 1230 they let me go on to my room. They wheeled my past the nursery so I could see him....he was so peaceful and quiet laying there...hands and feet still a purple color (they said normal) and when she raised him up so I could get a better gander, he screamed. I cried. I was spent. No sleep, 14 hours of labor, a c-section and I was done for.
Mom was the last one to leave.
At 1pm I was finally settled in my room. I begged my other half to go get the baby. No way could I sleep without seeing his face and holding him. It was one of the most calming moments I have ever experienced. I wasn't worried about anything. I wasn't thinking about the pain, about the in laws....nothing but this small face, perfect in every way. To me, the only real proof that there may actually be a God somewhere...
On Wednesday morning, that bouncing baby boy woke up early and tried hard to make sure I would get up too. He asked me if he grew and I said "Why yes! I think you are looking much bigger today"
He asked me If I thought he had big muscles, so I asked him to flex and when he did I gasped "They are the BIGGEST muscles I have ever seen on a 5 year old!"
He was smitten as he headed off to school looking adorable in his white polo shirt, long shorts and little Vans. As he smiled, turned and walked away with his little backpack on.....I just couldn't believe "My Guy" was well on his way to growing up.
It all seemed like yesterday. Often I find myself wondering where the time goes. My daughter turns 17 this year and is looking at colleges and her great escape which I dread....and today my son is 5.
Treasure your moments. They fade far too quickly.
The old saying goes something like 'Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take, but in how many moments take your breath away'
Well, this is one guy who took my breath away...and still does...each and every day.
To be mother to these children is the greatest honor I have ever been given and something I will always be thankful for.
Birthday went great and tonight, he sleeps soundly...surely dreaming of all the fun new things he was given and no worries of the day ahead. We should all be so blessed.
Live, laugh and love!
Lily
Website: http://virginialily.wordpress.com
~ 5 years tomorrow ~
Tonight, he is having a hard time sleeping. He is anxious, excited and also suffers from allergies which give him a terrible cough some nights. Every few minutes, I hear the sounds that make me cringe. No one likes to see or hear or even think their child is in pain.
While I sit and listen, trying hard not to coddle him too much or distract him from much needed rest, I too and thinking of what tomorrow is, and couldn't keep from writing about it to give my brain some room for tomorrows big day.
I didn't plan for him. I was told many times after the birth of my daughter and 2 failed pregnancies that my body would never be able to have more children. At first, I was devastated. Being raised with the idea that women serve a purpose in marriage - to bear children, I was pretty sure that when and if the time came for me to be in a serious relationship that considered marriage that I would be at a loss for performing the expected role of baby-breeder.
Well, the time came in said relationship that I broke the news to the other half and , never being one to be overly expressive or worrysome, he simply said "That's ok. We will adopt dogs"
Well, 1 year and 2 dogs later I found myself pregnant. At first, admittedly, I was sort of devastated. It may sound horrible, but make of it what you will. I had come to terms with the fact that I would only have my daughter. I was enjoying my new life as a wife, and learning to live again as my oldest child was getting older and becoming more independent. I felt I was in my prime, and I knew that having another child would require attention I wasn't sure I had the span for. After all, I had dealt with this, made it ok and had kind of moved on in my life. Now, it seemed, I had to re-think everything. I felt guilty and selfish, but hey..I am human.
It was hard to not be excited though, mostly for everyone else. My Mom was thrilled, of course. One more grandkid to add to the umpteen she already had. My husband was ecstatic. His family was too. He only has one sibling who is far too self absorbed to consider pregnancy, so this was likely their only shot at keeping that family name going (something I always thought was a silly reason to have kids, but a topic best saved for another time..)
Anyway, the pregnancy was much different than my first...all the side effects imaginable took their turn to contribute to my misery and then the day of the ultrasound came and they confirmed my worst fear - It was a boy.
Now, mind you, I have nothing against boys. I have nephews I adore but I was a *girl mommy*. Girls, to me, were quiet, clean, predictable and easier. ( I thought anyway...) Boys were loud, dirty, and always at risk from an injury from jumping off something. My fear was inadequacy...that I wouldn't be the right kind of Mommy for a son. That I wouldn't have much to offer, amongst other things.
The pregnancy was rough. I rarely complained. I dealt with it by doing simple things to keep myself sane. I woke every morning and showered and put on make-up. I needed to feel good about myself. I gained a LOT of weight, but carried well. I am lucky to be tall. I ate well, excercised and did all the right things. Well, the time came and the baby didn't, so we scheduled the c-section.
I stayed up all night. Never went to sleep. Went to visit my Mom and stayed there til 3am drinking coffee and listening to the same family stories I grew up hearing. They never get old for me.
About 4 am I came home and showered and put my bag in the car. Woke up the husband at 5 and off we went to the hospital. I would give birth in a civilian hospital this time, so It was all new to me.
By 6am, I was wrapped in that dorky thing they call a gown and spread eagle for everyone in the room to see as they broke my water with the largest crochet hook you have ever seen. After I slid so far up the bed and halfway onto the wall behind me, the doctor said "that shouldn't hurt" and all I thought was "Buddy, give me stick and let me shove it up your pee-pee and see if you hold still!"
Within an hour of the sticking , my contractions were hard and fast and discomfort was setting in..BIG time.
My in-laws ( or out-laws as I refer to them) were there. They didn't make it easier. They sat and stared like I was some wild animal at a zoo exhibit. No expression save for the wide eyed deer in the headlights look. No words. No offers to do anything but stare. Maybe they made it easier because I was certainly not going to express any discomfort with them sitting there, so I relaxed into myself and held my poker face. After all, I was just having a baby. Something billions of folks have done before me (including me.lol) and I knew it wouldn't kill me....
(to be continued)
~ Just for Malena ~
Here ya go girl. Something to look forward to...
Maybe Mom will visit too;)
xo
Lily
Website: http://buzzsugar.com/1625856
~ Ladies ? Gone Crazy? ~
Does anyone ever look around at some of their "peers" in this industry and think many have just gone crazy?
I mean, 'to each her own' and all that, but when you see such craziness does it embarrass you? Does it make you understand why so many think of providers as drug addicts, crazy people and overall blemishes on the ass of society?
Have you ever felt the need to isolate yourself from certain people or groups because of how they publically behave , much less privately?
In doing this, do you find that you are more satisfied being thought a 'snob' than to subject yourself to the risks of dealing with such people?
Have you ever offered to help someone or make a suggestion that got your head ripped off because someone was more concerned with being *right* than being happy?
When you look around at the industry, what do you see?
What would you change if you could?
Who are some of the women you look up to in the industry (past or present) that you feel set the right standards? Who were your influences, if any?
Lily
Website: http://virginialily.wordpress.com
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