Well first things first, I suppose:
Happy New Year!
Albeit 3.75 months late (black person time, you know) but this is officially my first blog entry of the year, so auld langs syne to you.
My absense was due mainly to my winter hibernation and a "Ms. Fix-it" experiment gone horribly wrong on my computer certainly didn't help my cause. However, thanks to this gorgeous, early taste of Spring that we're experiencing and a generous, laptop toting angel, both my creative and technological juices are up and flowing again.
Since my last entry, all in Kikiland has been well. I'm still cursing, still having masturbation sessions interrupted by my cat, and still having fabuIous sex, although in lesser quantities. I havent necessarily been UTR, so to speak (at least not intetionally), I've just been "doin' me", as the kids would say; focusing on the important shit, forgetting about everything else and doing my best to decide who and what deserve to go into each category (I've been doing quite the job, btw). I know I'm always talking about grey hairs in my weave and crowsfeet and sagging old woman titties and while it's usually in jest, the truth is that I am getting older... maybe not old, but definitely older, and so this year I decided to do a litte growing up and "Spring clean" the fuck out of my life.
What Ive noticed, though, is that without fail, whenever you try to proceed into another chapter of your life, the antagonists from the previous 5 or 6 chapters always wanna try and show up for a guest appearance. Um, sorry, bitch, you've been written out of this book. There will be no cameos and no flashbacks, ok? From shitty clients to even shittier ex-civvie, um, mistakes, my past has been chasing my black ass around this year and while irritating, I have found some evil joy in seeing the blemishes of my more naive days grovel and beg to be let back in.
I may curse a lot and call everyone bitch, but anyone who knows me knows that I am fiercely loyal with a heart of gold. From real life friends to first time clients, I am constantly going above and beyond because thats just what I do and who I am... a nice fucking chick. All I ask for in return is that I, my feelings and my time are respected. That's it. Once someone shows that they are unable or unwilling to do that, they go into the laundry pile and in Kikiland, I don't throw a load in the washer and hope the stain comes out; I throw the shit out. Your fucking soul and general sense of decency is soiled, boo; there's no Shout stick to get rid of that. I'm sorry if you're feeling some type of way and missing me but damn it, cherish and appreciate what and who you have while you have them. Joni Mitchell ain't neva lied.
So on that note, I thank everyone for the emails and messags over these few months checking to make sure that I'm ok. I'm back, better than ever and looking forward to what other exciting changes 2012 has in store for me... and all of you.
I guess this is growing up.
While I've only been 24 years old for all of 3 weeks, I've already received 5 invitation emails to seniorpeoplemeet.com. I've also discovered a grey hair (in my weave, yes, but a grey hair, nonetheless), a new wrinkle and I could swear the girls are sitting a little bit lower than usual. On the bright side, I haven't started queefing out powdered vajay juice or anything like that, so in general, I suppose I haven't much to complain about.
Seriously, though, while I can't say that getting older is necessarily something I'm excited about, I will admit that I'm enjoying some of the benefits that come along with the natural aging process. Most notably, in the sexual gratification department a.k.a. the only fucking life department that really matters.
I still remember losing my virginity and how awkward and completely unenjoyable it was. In fact, most of the sex from my initial sexually active years was horrible. I didn't even have my first real orgasm until I was 20. Regardless of how "ready" I was, I just didn't have the years and experience and confidence under my belt to properly enjoy myself. Then, I had no idea about what I liked or how I prefered to be touched or what turned me on and everything that is crucial to enjoying sex. If I didn't even know how to really please myself, how was I supposed to please my partner? In retrospect I realize that I probably wasn't HA! I would moan and ooh and ahh and lickey lickey suckey suckey here and there, but there was no passion or emotion or fucking conviction behind it. I was so, so young and I was just doing what Cosmo magazine and Carrie Bradshaw said were sexy.
Now, it's like night and day. I'm totally in tune with my body which allows me to enjoy sex to such an intense degree. There are no reservations, no inhibitions, no doubts; just me, my hitachi and what I hope is a willing and adventurous partner. Sex is something that is best experienced when it's organic and you've harnessed the will and courage to allow yourself to be completely free and open. I'm finally at that place and let me tell you, boy does it feel good; literally. I'm viewing and experiencing sex as an adult, now, and it's incredible. To paraphrase Folgers, "the best part of growing up is learning how to fuck." Legit.
I look back fondly on 2011 and what it was to me; a year full of incredible people, new places and wonderful experiences . I may have grown a year older, but I also grew a year wiser and a year sexier and a year more fucking fabulous. Just call me moscato, baby, because my ass is growing sweeter and more delicious with every passing day.
So here's to what surely was a memorable 2011 and what will hopefully be an even better 2012. See you all next year :)
Airplanes and appreciation.
It's been just about 4 years (wow!) since I started escorting and for most of these 4 years, NJ was the area that was my bread and butter. It's where all of my favorite men were, it's where I did the most business, it's where I earned my reputation and made my name. However, about 18 months ago, I noticed the tides starting to change a bit. The NJ hospitality and respect and consistency that had become the norm for me began to wean. Maybe it was the economy. Or maybe it was the sudden influx of providers of the ethnic/curvy variety in my area that caused the change. Whatever the reason, I didn't sit around thinking about what caused the sudden change. Instead, I decided to make a couple of changes myself and began to tour.
At first, touring was overwhelming and stressful and scary and the less than ideal NJ climate that I was looking to escape didn't seem so bad after all. But once I found my stride and identified the cities that really enjoy me, I never looked back. Touring opened my eyes to the incredible ways men in different cities operate; the way they treat their women, the importance they place on keeping comittments that they make, just the overall styles of hobbying that differed so greatly from what I was used to in NJ. It was such a welcome change of pace to be treated in such a way and really revealed to me just how much I was being taken advantage of and for granted back home.
In the past two weeks, I have toured three different cities and been exposed to some of the most generous, kind hearted, remarkable clients I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. EVER. It's almost like there's some direct correlation between how far from home I travel and how well I am recieved. For instance, during my Chicago trip at the end of October, one gentleman literally came to my rescue after my flight home was cancelled. The concern and care he showed for me was incredible and he asked for absolutely nothing in return. Another gentleman from Portland, ME, proved to be the single most accomodating client I have ever met, and all just to ensure that my visit was as successful and comfortable as possible. To me, these are acts of kindness on a scale that I rarely experience here at home, but from speaking with these men, I learned that this kind of chivalry is the absolute norm for them.
One one hand, I feel so lucky and blessed to be able to travel the country and spend time with such wonderful men. One the other hand, I can't help but feeling slightly miffed (or extremely miffed, depending on if I'm midcycle or not) at the lack of appreciation here at home. I'm constantly going above and beyond, so to not have that effort or overall respect reciprocated or recognized definitely stings a bit. Am I looking to paint all of my NJ clients as unappreciative? Not at all. I have some incredible clients here in NJ and they all know exactly who they are. Speaking in generalities, though, the grass is proving to be a little greener on the other side.
I'm a big believer in remembering your "roots", and I will always have an unmatched affinity for the state of NJ and its residents, but sometimes you gotta get rid of the weeds in your garden and plant some roses in their place. For this hoe, touring looks like it's the miracle gro that I've been looking for.
Taste the rainbow.
Typically, I never like to be anyone's first anything. No jungle fever experiments, no spinner lovers looking to "try something new", no massage guys interested in venturing into the GFE world; none of that shit. I like people who know what they like and are certain that I am what they like. Do I think I'm the cats meow? Of course I fucking do. But I understand that everything is not for everyone and see no reason to try and be a "one size fits all" provider when I know that isn't my reality.
Today, I received an email from a gentleman looking to get together during my short stay in Boston. During my screening of him, I noticed that there wasn't much, um, color or bootyliciousness in his sea of past conquests. From his reviews to his whitelists to his date-check refs, it was one 5ft nothing, blonde, 100 lb spinner after the other... not too many Kiki's thrown in the mix.
Having been in this position before, I emailed back and kindly let him know that I didn't think we'd be a good match due to his apparent preference in women. I was surprised to receive a response back from him expressing his desire to meet with me despite my reservations.
"As I get older", he explained, "my notion of beauty evolves and expands. Those girls may have been beautiful to me then, but you are beautiful to me today and there is nothing I'd love more than the chance to meet with you."
Well, damn. I obviously couldn't say no to a message like that, so reluctantly I agreed to meet with him for an hour. While readying myself for our appointment, my pre-session nerves were even worse than usual. Nothing looked right on me, my hair wasn't cooperating... I could just tell that I was about to spend an hour of my life worrying about my hair being too nappy and my thighs being too jiggly for this man who had never experienced anyone like me before. I actually thought about calling off the appointment, but at that point, it would've been super inconsiderate of me, so I sucked it up and braced myself for the worst.
Long story short, all of my fears were for naught and we proceeded to have an excellent session together. I'd always focused so much on the possible negatives of being someones first that I never stopped to think about all of the potential positives. It was so wild to see how crazy this man went over my skin color and the way it contrasted with his. He couldn't believe how fleshy my breasts and ass were; he'd never been with a woman who had natural large breasts and was amazed at how soft they were. Simple things like that and the texture of my hair and the shape of my lips and the way I moved my body mesmerized him. In the past, I probably would've been uncomfortable but not today...maybe because I felt less like an experiment and more like a genuine, new-found infatuation (you know what they say; once you go black...) that I was able to help cultivate.
So while I can't say that my stance on "firsts" has been completely changed, this experience was certainly a pleasant surprise. I always say that my favorite thing about the hobby is getting to meet all kinds of different people; today was a reminder that I'm not the only one who shares that sentiment.