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Where the Hell Have You Been?
What's going on with Beverly? Where have I been? I've been here... quietly going on with my life. I've been writing a lot. I'm working on a novel. I always wanted to write fiction, but found myself writing nonfiction to pay the bills, and then focusing so much on escorting that I let the writing part of my life slide to the back burner. So now, I've got it on the front burner. :)
But my work as a provider is really important to me, too. I'm trying to find a balance, to find a way to incorporate both fully into my life.
A couple of you sweet gentlemen have seen fit to lavish me with books on my Amazon Wish List, books I am using for research for my novel. Thank you so much! The book I'm writing takes place in several time periods, and doing all the research has been fun and rewarding, and challenging too.
I updated my Travel page -- I'm not doing much traveling lately, and don't have many trips planned for this year, though that can and probably will change. The big news is that I'm thinking about doing another Tantra certification course in Southern California in September. The class is three consecutive weekends. I'd be coming back to Denver for three days after the first weekend, and then flying back for the remainder of the month. I'm really excited about the course. While my interests have moved beyond Tantra in some senses -- I've been focusing on a kind of Sacred Sexuality of my own which incorporates not only Tantra, but other modalities as well -- I'm very excited for the opportunity to study with Dr. Corynna Clarke, who is a friend and an amazing Goddess.
My goal is to continue losing weight, and eventually start transitioning into a greater focus on Sacred Sexuality and courtesan work, doing primarily multi-hour and overnight sessions, increasing my donation, seeing less clients and focusing on quality, not quantity.
For now, however, all is pretty much as it was. I'll give plenty of notice when I begin to change things. In the meantime, I would love to see YOU! This winter has been a little hard emotionally, and I could use some wonderful friends to lavish a bit of attention on, and receive some in return. :)
Writing is a very cerebral activity. I need some physical to balance that out. :)
I'm hoping to do some new photos soon. I'd love to hear from my friends and see how all of you are doing, too.
More soon!
xxxooo
B. ;-*
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
 
Exploring the Forbidden
It's been far too long since I posted a blog. A recent email reminded me of that fact.... so here I am. :)
There are some people who will repulsed by what I'm discussing here, and that's okay. If it bothers you, don't keep reading. What works for some people doesn't work for others, and that's cool. But posting rude comments is not acceptable, and I'll delete them, just to warn you in advance. You don't have to like what I'm saying... but we get to live and let live, in this blog, at least. :)
So I'm writing this novel, and the characters are bisexual - both women and men. There's actually a logical reason for this, within the context of the story.
But as I've been exploring my characters' sexuality, I've also been reminded of my own.
Many years ago, I was living and working as an escort in California. I had a client who was a fun, dirty, crazy, interesting man. I'd go out to his place and hang out all night, drinking and fooling around, and watching porn. The man had the most extensive and varied porn collection I have EVER seen, to date. He had everything from tame romantic storyline stuff, all the way to a Swedish bestiality porn flick from the late 60s (the English subtitles were the best part. "Oooh, that makes me randy!")(For the record, I'm NOT cool with bestiality, as it's nonconsensual. But I confess to watching the first 10 minutes of the damned thing, out of purely morbid curiosity.)
So one night he busts out the MFM video. Now I should preface this by saying that I grew up in Colorado in the 80s, and homophobia was alive and well. I bullshitted myself that I was what I call "Penthouse Bisexual" -- that I got off on being with girls, but only if there was a man there to watch. See, that made it "okay."
By this point in my personal sexual evolution, I had yet to admit that I was truly bisexual, meaning that girls make me hot without men around, and that I'm capable of falling in love with, and having a relationship with, women as well as men.
At that point in my life, I was closeted even to myself, and I still had a lot of homophobic prejudices. I thought that it was cool and sexy to watch two girls make out, but the idea of watching two men kiss or have sex was disgusting. I thought, "hey, it's cool for guys to be gay, as long as they don't do it in front of people." I thought that was pretty enlightened of me. What an ass. But whatever, I was young and dumb.
So with that context, when this client put on this MFM video, I was prepared to be freaked out. The video featured bisexual men having sex with women, and with each other. They kissed each other, and the woman. They had some wild three-way intercourse.
And instead of being disgusted, I was incredibly turned on. It was the hottest thing I'd ever seen. I was WET. To my credit, instead of being embarrassed, I accepted this about myself. Every time I went back to my client's house, I requested this video (which he couldn't find, half the time, his collection was so huge and disorganized).
But that was as far as it went with me.
Fast forward a few years later. I had this boyfriend who was hotter than a firecracker. We had the best sex I've ever had in my life. He was a complete jerk, and I'm glad we're not together today, but damn, the sex was amazing. So he confessed that he was bi, and into exploring stuff with other guys. Nothing major -- not kissing, or intercourse, but blow jobs. I was down with it. We ended up doing sessions together, with clients who were also drawn to exploring oral sex with other men. It was very hot.
After he and I broke up, I actively searched for bi guys or transgendered women who would be into getting together with myself and a client, but with almost no success. My experience has been that T-girls who are escorts are almost exclusively into men, and don't want me around. Which is a bummer, as I find T-girls hot. But whatever.
Fast forward to this Fall. As I've been writing this novel, with these bisexual characters, I've found myself once again intrigued and aroused by the idea of interacting with bisexual men.
But this time, I want my fantasy, the reality that I've created in a fictional world. I want men who want to be with other men as much as they wish to be with me; I want men who are open and relaxed and not ashamed of their sexuality, men who would enjoy kissing and intercourse with other men.
So I decided to make it happen. I sent out an email to my Yahoo group guys, asking if there would be any interest.
And what do you think happened?
I got a LOT of email. A LOT. Without trying all that hard, I've found three men who are interested in the extensive sexual connection that I've fantasized about -- and a great many more who are curious, or willing to explore lighter contact (no intercourse or kissing, but perhaps oral, etc.).
And now the whole thing is evolving, changing. My contact with these three amazing men -- all of whom are confident in their masculinty, and who they are -- is becoming something more than just a purely physical sexual fantasy-type experience. It's becoming more like what I want with my clients: a genuine connection, developing friendships and real relationships. Not just a nameless, faceless, PSE thing, but something that has an emotional and personal connection.
I'm really excited about how this is developing, and it's inspiring to me -- it's so great to continue exploring my own sexuality, and to participate in others doing the same.
I'm hoping that as this develops, I want to create some more connections with those gentlemen who expressed interest in less intensive contact.
I've always been intrigued by polyamory, and more and more, it seems to me that the ideal would be a relationship with both men and women, all of whom were able to express their love for one another not only emotionally, but sexually.
The main reason I wanted to write about this is because homophobia and fears around same-sex sexual encounters is still alive and well. And I want every man reading this who has these types of feelings to know that you are not alone. There are a LOT of bisexual guys out there, who love women and love men too.
And to those guys, I know it's hard to be public about it. Even on hobby boards, you'd be holding yourself up to ridicule and flames. But I have one more fantasy: If everyone *could* stand up and say how they really feel and what they really want, I bet the crowd would be so large, it would be capable of repelling a few trolls. :)
It's okay to explore "forbidden" fantasies, as long as it's consensual. It's okay to want to like people for who they are, not what's between their legs. It's okay to love yourself for exactly who you are.
And if you AREN'T bisexual, it's okay to let other people feel what they want, without judging or hating on it, or allowing it to threaten your masculinity. We're all kinky fuckers, in one way or another. :)
Love to all!
Beverly ;-*
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
Kiss Me!!!
I love kissing. It's an art, a sensual conversation without words. With a kiss, I can express friendship and closeness, or tease, or lose myself in passion, hunger, need.
Kissing is so wonderful for so many reasons. I love to start a session off with a kiss, first thing.
I begin with a gentle kiss, the lightest brush of lips... then flow into an exploratory kiss, firmer lips, a hint of tongue.
I want to get a feel for my partner's kissing style, the way they enjoy sharing a kiss, their approach.
I don't have one kissing style of my own. Rather, I like to explore what my partner likes, and match him lip for lip, tongue for tongue, desire for desire.
Then I deepen the kiss further, let the passion and desire flow out of me in waves, revel in my partner's response. I focus on nothing but the moment, the lips, the tongue, the hot breath of the kiss.
Being present in the kiss -- like being present in meditation -- is, to me, the secret to being a fantastic kisser. I don't think of anything, anything, but the kiss.
When I finally pull back, I'm smiling and happy. What a wonderful way to say hello!
Sometimes, when I am really engaged and excited to talk with someone, I worry that I may talk too much. I tell my friends, "If I'm talking too much, just kiss me. I'll hush right up." And what a nice way to tell me to shutup. :)
Like many women, I think kissing is perhaps more intimate than sex. I think part of this is because women are communicators. We're geared to communicate, to talk, to use talking to learn, to process our feelings and thoughts. Kissing is something of a surrender, giving up my ability to speak, asking me to speak only with my mouth, my breath, my hands, my sighs, my body pressed against yours. I think it's a intensely sensual language we all understand.
xxxooo
Beverly ;-*
P.S. My weight loss efforts continue... so far, I've lost 51 pounds! :) This is a HUGE goal I've met, and I'm very excited! I'm thinking I'll take new photos when I get to 60 pounds lost. I've been having a lot of fun being able to wear clothes (and lingerie!!!!!) that I haven't been able to wear in a long time.
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
Losing weight, writing (or trying to) - sex and intellectual disability
Hi all!
I'm so excited, had my Weight Watchers meeting tonight. I have now officially lost 48.2 pounds!
And this after spending a week in San Francisco, eating yummy things. :)
I'm working on research for my next Rant. This one will be about sex and disability, which touches on several issues:
Sex and physical disabilities, such as paralysis; Sex and disabilities associated with aging, such as ED, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.; and sex and intellectual disabilities, such as dementia, Alzheimer's, or Down Syndrome.
I'm currently researching the latter. It seems to me that the whole idea of "allowing" people with intellectual disabilites to be sexual is a relatively new one.
I have some personal issues with this, which is why I wanted to research it. One has to ask oneself, as an escort: Would you have sex with someone who has Down Syndrome, and is functionally 12 years old? How do we define age, anyhow? Is it based purely on how many years we've been on the planet, or does a mental ability play a role?
It's obviously a controversial and intriguing area of study. I'll be sure to post a link to my Rant when I get it finished.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
xxxooo
Beverly ;-*
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
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