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Rest in Peace
I haven't been able to write or talk about this for a long time, and I'm not even sure I can say much now.
I have so much to say, so many thoughts and feelings, so much grief and fear and anger... I can't even start. I am so full with pain and anguish, sorrow and fury, that I just can't even begin to give it all voice.
It's too easy not to talk about it, to pretend it isn't real, that you're not gone, or that it all never happened. It's too easy to go on with my tiny little life, worrying about my bills, watching TV, having a drink with friends, taking care of my child.
But I'm not going to pretend. I'm going to say something, albeit a mere hundredth of what I feel inside.
Rest in peace, ladies. I have to believe that in whatever place lies beyond this one, you will be recognized for the wonderful human beings that you were. You were mothers. Daughters. Aunts. You were kind. I'm sure you were bitchy, too. But you laughed. You loved. You did what you had to do, and you did the best you could. You touched people. You changed people's lives.
And while very few people on this planet recognize that, I do. People here do.
requiescat in pace....
So-called "DC Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey
University of Maryland Professor Brandy Britton
American prostitutes murdered in New England:
Betzaida Montalvo
Carmen Rudy
Dinelia Torres
Wendy Morello
Lineida Olivera
Theresa Stone
British prostitutes murdered in Ipswich:
Annette Nicholls
Paula Clennell
Anneli Alderton
Gemma Adams
Tania Nicol
American prostitutes murdered in Atlantic City -- case remains unsolved more than a year later:
Kim Raffo
Barbara Breidor
Molly Jean Dilts
Tracy Ann Roberts
The list goes on. And on. And on. And on.
Women who were murdered, women who committed suicide, women who were marginalized by society, and whose deaths merited minimal scrutiny, if any. Women whose deaths elicited casual shrugs from the media, from the authorities, from the people.
I think it's so hard to talk about, it's so hard to look at and face and think about and feel... because I'm filled with these horrible thoughts I don't want to face:
Who will come to my funeral? Who will mourn my tainted body when it's gone? Who will know how much I tried to give my life meaning? Who will know how much I tried to give and help others? Who will believe that I was a good person, when this one small fact of my life becomes the single overriding defining characteristic of who I am? Will anyone remember anything else?
Rest in peace, ladies. I can't.
xxxooo
Beverly ;-*
The photo below is of a prostitute whose name has long been forgotten. I thought it fitting to add her here, toasting us all. Her photo was taken in the Storyville red light district in New Orleans, around the turn of the century. The photographer was a client, so it's said, a hydrocephalic dwarf named E.J. Bellocq. His collection of photos of Storyville women is amazing.
Many of the photos, on glass plates, were defaced in later years... the faces of the prostitutes were scratched off the glass, so that only the images of their bodies remained. My favorite is of a standing woman, who is in the act of drawing a butterfly on the wall, a symbol of freedom, change, joy, beauty, happiness. Her face has been scratched off.
The defaced photos are the ones that speak to me most deeply, that touch the grief inside that's always there... for they create a horrifyingly perfect metaphor for their lives, and sadly, our own.
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
 
Weird head space. And fairy pictures.
I'm not feeling at all myself, haven't been for a while.
I've been making fairy pictures, rather obsessively, I think mostly because when I'm making fairy pictures, I'm having fun and learning new editing skills and not thinking about anything else, including inordinate stress of late.
I don't think clients like fairy pictures, if the hits on my website are anything to go on.
I like fairy pictures.
My marketing and my mindset are not matching up. Rather unusual, for me.
Oh well, here's another of my dumb fairy pictures anyhow. I like this one because it's so very colorful.
xxxooo
B. ;-*
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
One Yellow Tulip
I recently spent a weekend in Washington D.C. with Mr. Fisher. We were really only there for one full day -- flew in on Friday, flew out Sunday afternoon.
So on Saturday, we wandered all over -- for miles! -- started at the Jefferson Memorial, walked down through the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial, over to the Lincoln Memorial, then the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial, then up past the White House, ending at the Washington Monument.
At which point, my poor aching feet and I demanded a taxi. :) Mr. Fisher, of course, humored me.
It really was exciting for me to see Washington. I have always been patriotic (though not rabidly so), and proud to be an American, but I was surprised by how moved and touched I was by the experience. It gave me hope. Seeing those things made me realize that so many, many wonderful people dedicated their lives to this country, and our freedom.
Surely all of that cannot be destroyed in a few short years, by one moron.
On Sunday, my flight left quite a bit later than Mr. Fisher's, so after I dropped him at the airport, I went back into the city. I wanted to see the Capitol building, something we'd missed the day before. And when I did, again I was struck by that feeling of pride. It was a really wonderful experience.
After I left the building, right in front of the Capitol is a traffic roundabout with a statue in the middle. Spring has sprung, and the roundabout had been planted with lots of lovely red tulips.
But then I noticed that some rogue landscaper had decided to rebel, and had planted one single yellow tulip amidst all the others. I had to take a picture (why do I notice these things?).
I've been using the photo in some of my advertising. While all of the flowers are beautiful and different in their own way, sometimes you find a blossom that is truly unique. :)
xxxooo
Beverly ;-*
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
Spring photos... and catching up with reality, such as it is
I'm trying to get my head together, get caught up (LOL, right, sure, okay... and when that happens, we'll all be ice skating in Hell)...
Mostly I just want to get back in the swing of things, I've been so out of touch, not blogging, not really involved with anything. In some ways, it's been good to take a break, but I feel like I'm missing out on something that's important to me, too.
Anyhow, here I am! :)
I have some new Spring photos... I'd hoped to do another professional shoot, but that's not how things worked out. Still, I got some cute candids in Washington DC, and my wonderful housemate took some good ones at home. I'm hoping to have them up on my site within the next few days, but here's one of my favorites, below.
I'm going to Los Angeles May 7-14... going to the DomCon LA convention (lotsa sexy people in leather and rubber!), and just seeing friends. And most of all, seeing the ocean. I miss the ocean so much.
Heh. Boring blog. Well, hope you like the pic. :)
xxxooo
Beverly ;-*
Website: http://www.beverlyfisher.com
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